Phone it in Friday
No intro, let’s rock:
Sad life snippets
Was talking to my produce guy, I have a produce guy, and mentioned that I was just back from Florida. However, he misheard me and thought I said I was GOING to Florida. Why he thinks I would be buying produce prior to a vacation is beyond me, but that’s besides the point. Bottom line is I was too much of a pussy to correct him so I just avoided walking by his shop for a few days to sell the ruse.
Was at my parents golf club on prime rib night. (Yes, I know I sound like a prick. Take it up with my pops. I just show up where the meat is…pause). My dad and I were getting slices carved and the dude gave me a markedly bigger slice than my dad. Taking that as a shot at my weight. On a similar note, I was at Dunks and ordered a donut and the lady put two in the bag but only charged me for one. Passive aggressive benevolence.
Got an ultrasound done a few months back as part of an EKG — lab technician kept getting visibly frustrated and moving the wand all around my torso. I asked what she was doing and she said, “there’s just too much fat!,” which frankly feels like a problem an EKG tech should know how to navigate. Sounds like you just suck at your job lady.
Speaking of my health, I got some routine bloodwork done and was wayyyyyyy too pumped to find out my kidney function and blood sugar are both in normal ranges. I’m so back.
Some lady at work called me “ruggedly handsome” which I think just means ugly? Best case it’s like an attractive homeless guy.
Inadvertently went for a walk wearing a sweatshirt and no shirt on underneath. If that sounds familiar it’s because it’s not the first nor last time I’ve done this.
Poured myself some cereal before first verifying that I had clean spoons. With the dishwasher running and no options to clean in the sink I resorted to eating the bowl with a tablespoon.
Recently the color of my stool was impacted by the sheer number of AirHeads I had eaten that day.
When I was in Florida recently we kept running into situations where my dad didn’t have any cash on him at a cash only place. I always carry a decent amount of cash so I kept paying then publicly big-timing him as if he’s poor. Told one lady that he got laid off when the factory closed but we’re working to get him back on his feet.
Been getting a pretty steady diet of gay ads targeted to me on Twitter. Given that those are typically based on search history I made need to reexamine some things:
Happy long weekend! Maybe we all just don’t go back to work on Tuesday. They can’t fire us all! (They can, it’s called mass layoffs).
