What would you say you do here: Dentists
Alright, I’m at the office today which is not my favorite thing in the world because:
I’m normally fully remote and enjoy working horizontally
It costs me like $120 in ubers to get here
I have like 5 work appropriate shirts that actually fit me and I can only come here so many times before people start seeing the pattern
It requires that I shower
But I’m a team player so I put on a brave face and 1 of my 5 work shirts and soldier through.
However, 8 hours of wall-to-wall meetings can take its toll on a man. And as someone who is always a lost train of thought away from an ADHD diagnosis, I have a VERY hard time focusing up the whole day.
I tried just zoning out like I used to before technology but I keep jolting back to attention when someone says a syllable similar to my first name.
So I need something else to do. As Red said:
So with that, I’m introducing a new segment on this blog called “What would you say you do here” or WWYSYDH or, phonetically, wuhwuhyuhssyuhduhhuh.
The name comes from a favorite Office Space scene of mine:
In this series I’m going to examine a profession that I find confusing, trivial, tedious, or downright useless. This week’s target: dentists.
What would you say you do here, dentists?
First off, dentists aren’t on here because I have some childhood phobia or axe to grind. Dental hygiene is important — not to me as I haven’t been to a dentist in three years — but as a general rule it’s important.
I know dentistry is a needed profession. But for the life of me I don’t know what dentists do all day.
When you go in for a cleaning, the dental hygienists do all the work, navigate through the gushing volcano of blood emanating from your diseased gums (personal example), and yell at you for eating candy instead of lunch (also a personal example).
If you need x-rays, they’re the ones who gag you with the mouthguard made for horses.
If you need a new toothbrush because you’re using one you “found under the sink” they recommend the brand to buy.
Only after all of that is done does the dentist roll in and use the handheld rearview mirror to be like, “yep those are teeth.”
Bro gets a white coat for that?
Seriously what else do they do they do all day besides hold x-rays up to light and wear kid-friendly ties?
There’s also like a 1 in 3 chance your dentist is just making shit up so they can up-charge you for additional procedures.
When I was 16, a dentist told me I had 5 cavities and needed a root canal on one tooth. I had only ever had one cavity to that point in my life, and this is before I physically gave up on myself so needless to say, I was skeptical.
Before I could schedule any follow-up procedures my dad switched dental insurance and I moved to a new provider.
When I went in for my first cleaning with this provider, I asked about the cavities and root canal. Not only did I have no cavities, there was no tooth they could see that was even close to root canal territory.
It’s all a crock of shit. Drink a lot of milk and chew on the odd chicken bone and your teeth will be just as strong as someone who flosses twice daily.
Just look at me — I never go to the dentist and now the molars on my left side are really sensitive to hot and cold and I still have all my wisdom teeth.
Also, are dentists pre-med? Can you imagine taking organic chemistry just to spend 40 years jamming your fingers in people’s mouths? Weirdos.
In summation, I do not get what dentists do. If you’re reading this and you have a parent or loved one who is a dentist, I’m sure they’re lovely, intelligent people. But I inherently do not respect what they do. End of blog.
