Damage control: John Mateer
Sup Fatties? Been multiple months a minute.
Turns out I’m not the most disciplined person in the world and I have undiagnosed ADHD (I’m self-medicating with molly) so my consistency has never been great.
However, new year, (Ethiopian calendar), new me, and I’m trying to crank out regular content again. I heard some very nice feedback over the past few weeks about the Liver — the blog — organ feedback has been middling to poor.
Anyways, your support and enthusiasm for the content is what drives me and it reminded me how much I love writing this silly shit. So, consider me back, provided you regularly praise me and send this to all of your friends/influential VC contacts with deep pockets and poor business judgement.
And what better way to come back then to introduce a new segment that I will likely forget about and never return to entitled, “Damage Control.” In each installment of this blog series, I will provide a public relations spin to the subject of a damaging trending story.
Today’s subject: Oklahoma quarterback John Mateer.
For those of you who aren’t sports fans, Mateer is the new QB for the Oklahoma Sooners, having transferred there after several years at Washington St.
However, what hope he had of leading the Sooners out of the tunnel in a month may be in jeopardy as a result of some narc who dug up these alleged Venmo transactions from Mateer’s freshman year of college:
It looks damning on the surface, especially since sports betting is a big no-no for college athletes. Surely this will be a hot topic on College Gameday presented by DraftKings.
However, Mateer has several extremely valid spins he could go with to clear his name from this slander:
1. “Anything can be photoshopped”
I mean first off, fakest looking account ever. The image isn’t even fitted to the circle. Clearly just ChatGPT trying to make a quick buck by throwing up the first photo it pulls on Google. Nice try, bot.
2. “Didn’t realize comedy was illegal”
Uhhh ever heard of a joke guys? This was probably a donation to a homeless shelter or the purchase of a turkey for a poor family on Thanksgiving. Mateer is just too humble to put his name behind that. Mateer confirmed himself that it was just a prank:
Just the classic “here’s money for the sports bets I lost” prank. I’ve done it several times myself.
Anyways, innocent until proven guilty. It’s in the Constitution probably.
3. “Uhh homophobic much?”
Here are some other Venmo transactions under Mateer’s name (probably fake). So in the year 2025, we’re going after people just because their sexuality doesn’t align with your rigid worldview? Newsflash: it’s a spectrum. Really low stuff, even for the NCAA.
4. “I was told college athletes can be paid now”
NIL means that athletes are legally allowed to be compensated. Is this not just an athlete trying to make an extra buck to buy a round for the fellas at the bar? How is this any different than me working at the school library? Well aside from the fact that Mateer didn’t callously mishandle 400-year-old books thereby destroying them forever. Also it would appear he lost the alleged bets, so he’s really the victim in this transaction.
5. “I was just watching film, coach”
One of the purported transactions was for the USC-UCLA game. At the time of the payment, Mateer was on WASU, which played in the PAC-12. USC and UCLA were both in the PAC-12 as well in 2022. In other words, he was literally just scouting his opponents. Last I checked, that’s a QB’s job description.
6. “Ever heard of a typo?”
You know what key is adjacent to G on a keyboard? R. Perhaps he meant to type Sports Rambling and was trying to tip the local radio announcer for doing such a great job talking ball. We’re gonna suspend a kid for having fat fingers? Lock me tf up.
Go with any of those Mateer and you should be in the clear — I’m like OJs lawyer. God it’s good to be back.
