Breaking down the gorilla trade
Ladies and gents, we got us a good ol’ fashioned gorilla trade:
Forget the genetically diverse critically endangered PR speak. That’s just the boys in the Pittsburgh front office trying to cover their asses. Because holy shit, what a fleece for Boston.
This is Luka to the Lakers type stuff. What this tells me is Pittsburgh is desperate. They’re in “win now” mode. They got a great zoological tradition over there and the fans are getting restless at the lack of results the last few years. Need to make a big move to keep the fans happy. Enter, Little Joe.
Little Joe has actually been featured on this blog before unintentionally when I weighed in on the 100 men vs 1 gorilla debate. I think it was him at least — it’s a fucking gorilla how would I know?
Don’t get me wrong, Little Joe is a solid veteran presence. If this is 2016 when Joe is in his prime(ate), we’re having a whole different discussion. Guy has been around, run a few troops in his time. He’ll get to Pittsburgh and coach up the rest of the primate enclosure. Gotta also factor in the breeding aspect. Per AI, male gorillas hit their breeding stride at about 20 and can keep cranking out lil rillas into their old age with younger females, much like many weird, rich humans.
Here’s the thing though: gorillas don’t really live past 35-40. Maybe you stretch it a few years with the captivity factor, but the bottom line is this gorilla is well past his prime. Yeah he gives you a veteran voice in the cage and can probably sire a youngin or two, but this move is really a stopgap to keep the fans happy.
You also gotta consider the outside the enclosure issues. First off, despite the name, there’s nothing “Little” about Joe. Given his age and the expectations for him to play at a high level, gotta wonder if a piss test is coming back clean for old Joe. Secondly, people forget this guy broke containment back in the day.
Joe’s defenders would point to this as an example of Joe’s competitiveness and relentless drive. He literally can’t be contained. But I think you gotta know your boundaries in this league and the zoo pretty clearly defines them. Bottom line, I don’t like the move for Pittsburgh. Sure it drives up attendance for a few months, but eventually your fans get sick of the gimmick.
Boston meanwhile, dominated this trade. Always hate to see a legend go, and Little Joe will get his due in this city when his pelt is ghoulishly raised to the rafters. But if you don’t pull the metaphorical trigger now, you end up pulling the literal one next year. That’s what happened with Harambe. The Franklin Park Zoo isn’t ready to compete with the likes of San Diego just yet. Gotta bring in young pieces like Frankie and build around them.
Is Frankie a sure thing? No, he’s young and based on the facial expression, fairly stupid. Definitely needs to hit the weight room and become the alpha we need him to be. But apparently, Frankie is the first in a series of moves designed to get our primate room younger and ready to compete throughout the next decade.
Get ready Boston, a new big three is in town and ready to potentially do a Planet of the Apes. And I for one, welcome our ape overlords!
