The biggest assholes from the 2025 Met Gala
Blog Christmas is finally here.
Met Gala 2025 came and went this past Monday, and brought with it a fresh batch of vaguely familiar millionaires dressing like assholes to support art or pandas or some shit.
In true Met Gala fashion, this year’s theme was vague yet also somehow specific — Superfine: Tailoring Black Style:
“The exhibit explores the role of fashion and style in shaping Black identities in the Atlantic diaspora, focusing on the Black dandy and their influence on menswear. The dress code for the 2025 Met Gala was “Tailored for You”, encouraging guests to interpret the theme through menswear and suiting.”
Yeah I don’t get it — but then why would I — my knowledge of fashion is approximately zero and my knowledge of the Atlantic diaspora and the black dandy is in the negatives.
Sidenote: the dress code is “tailored for you?” So just clothing that fits? That’s the dress code everywhere always except for the 2003 NBA draft.
I will say though, given the theme and how out of touch some of these celebrities are, I just hope that no white person wears something wildly inapp…anddddd there it is.
Amelia Gray, proudly reppin’ the Bloods, probablyyyyy didn’t need the durag. But hey, what’s fashion without risk? Not the last we’ll see of Amelia.
And with that, let’s take a look at the biggest assholes of the 2025 Met Gala!
Jordan Roth
Jump scare right off the bat. Gonna rattle off a few lines to get the juices flowing:
This person looks like the ringmaster in a circus for ghosts.
This is who would usher you into hell if you died in a clown car crash.
This is a magician whose only trick is making your soul disappear.
This is how I would dress if My Chemical Romance was headlining Lollapalooza.
Gotta say though, the treble top hat is electric. Also is this person 8 and a half feet tall? What the hell.
Jodie Turner-Smith
Yet another master of ceremonies here, but with more of a whimsical tilt to the hat. Kinda looks like if Willy Wonka was pimping out the Oompa Loompas.
Zuri Hall
Fashion has no gender. Men have worn dresses. Women have worn suits. But only Zuri here has the gumption to wear a suit dress. The pocket square on the sress is a hilarious touch.
J Balvin
And we are now 1-for-5 on people I’ve heard of before. J Balvin kinda looks like he’s cosplaying as the Buccaneers’ old logo:
Jaden Smith
Ah Jaden, you keep me young. You may remember Jaden from the Grammy’s red carpet when he wore a castle on his face. For the Met however, he’s completely restrained himself, with a sleek all-black outfit and smart topcoat.
So why does young Jaden crack the list?
Because he added a touch of that famous Jaden flair, twisting some coat hangers around his face in the name of fashion. You never disappoint young man.
Omar Apollo
You could give this guy a magic show at the Ramada Inn in Atlantic City and he wouldn’t look one iota out of place. The man was born to be a below average illusionist.
Burna Boy
You see this dude in public and you’re 100% in the Matrix. I saw this fit and started breaking through the drywall in my apartment just to make sure it’s not binary code back there.
Speed round!
Tessa Thompson — Looks like if the Mad Hatter banged a snowman.
Iké Udé — Looks like he’s representing the United States rowing team at the Olympics opening ceremony.
Laurie A. Cumbo (left): Based on the garment in her hand I’m guessing she’s anticipating a bull to run through any minute. And that outfit — I’ve heard of peacocking but this is ridiculous! Thank you, that’s my time.
Bobby Digi Olisa (right) — This is how I imagine I would dress if I seceded from the US and became king of a country that was just me. Also that cane has some gizmos on it. Looking like a Bop-it got up and went for a stroll.
Coleman Domingo — High priest at a Star Wars wedding
Alton Mason: You look like the Phantom of the Opera’s lover and your suit is made of TV static, boom roasted.
Sidenote: Def used that phantom of the opera line before but it’s weird that it applies twice.
Alright back to regularly scheduled programming. Let’s get into categories and groups:
The prop masters
A time-honored classic for this blog. People who aren’t brave enough to wear something outlandish, so they resort to a cheap prop for attention.
This time around, it seems to just be people holding up the thing they do.
Got designer Olivier Rousteing with a sewing machine, musician Jon Batiste with the sax, and Andre 3000 with the piano and a trash bag for some reason.
Not really sure what cat lady’s deal is though. Is that thing her purse? Does she have breath mints and makeup and crap in there? It kind of looks like an urn you’d get from an asian funeral home.
The problem with these gimmicks is they just give you a burden for the night. Like the sewing machine is cute for the 10 minutes you’re on the red carpet — after that you’re basically just carrying a 5 lbs dumbbell around for 3 hours.
Sax guy might be able to impress some chicks with a little Careless Whisper, but eventually you just become the guy who’s fishing for people to ask him to play something. Gets real annoying real quick.
And what’s Andre’s plan? You can’t coat check a piano. Somehow that trash bag is the most practical accessory in the bunch.
Can’t really fault Andre here though. My grandfather always said during my baseball games, “It’s ok to run and carry a piano, as long as you don’t stop to play it.” (Really nice way of telling me I wasn’t hustling around the bases).
The “Oh shit that’s tonight?!” crew
Jacopo on the left just rolled out of an admittedly expensive bed. And Lauren Haldsey on the right straight up forgot this was happening.
Sup.
Think these ladies like guys who are worse than them in every facet of life?
Would have been there but sustained a convenient knee injury right as he got eliminated from the playoffs
What a warrior. Can’t imagine how hard it is to walk 100 feet down the red carpet on a knee you were playing full length basketball games on last week.
Guy who’s so rich he didn’t even bother with the theme and is also randomly wearing Brooks running shoes
This is some Aussie dude who loves trees or something. Just stick to the theme man — you look like a guy who goes way too hard for St. Paddy’s Day.
Wide receiver 1
Stefon Diggs — regal, elegant, rapid ACL recovery. No notes.
The Nnamdi Asomugha Memorial Award for guys who were good in the NFL for one season like 15 years ago and keep getting invited to this for some reason
And the winner is…Nnamdi Asomugha! This Nnamdi’s second nomination and win in this category. Seriously, how does this guy keep getting invited to this? Did he just never leave last year?
???
You know that sensation where your brain just gets bombarded with so much stimuli that you don’t know what to react to and just freeze up. That’s me when I look at these outfits. My brain couldn’t even process what I was seeing, let alone make a joke out of it.
Literally all I could come up with is that Cole Escola (left) from the neck up looks like one of those 1940s dolls you find in your grandparents’ attic that’s both a terrifying companion for children and made 100% of asbestos.
Janelle has me stumped with her fit. Tip of the cap to both of you. Met gala MVPs.
And the biggest asshole of the 2025 Met Gala is…
AMELIA GRAY!!! I told you we’d see her again. Ms. Gray bookends this blog with an absolutely flawless performance from head to toe. From the possibly problematic durag that makes her look like a 1930s football player to the valet blazer to the 15 layers of mismatched lingerie, all topped off with bows for laces, this was truly a masterclass. Just incredible.
That concludes this year’s compilation of the biggest assholes at the Met Gala. Sincere thank you to everyone who made it this far — this is my favorite blog to write so I appreciate it.
See you in 2026!
